I'm Not Interested in Assimilation

Photo by Whitney Browne

Photo by Whitney Browne

I recently attended a talk about arts and activism at the University of Richmond with Camille A. Brown, a black, female choreographer. I always feel like a fraud in both my arts and activism realms because I am not the most out spoken in either category, so it was a big step just for me to attend. I was excited to hear what she had to share because of the potential impact on our society and culture the topic. In the end, I felt empowered to stay committed to the actions I take to make our society and culture better and more equal.

Camille’s work is committed to African American culture and experience. It is important to me to learn about experiences of people of color so I can be more aware of the struggles different people face. Camille had some powerful sound bites emphasized by her unassuming presence. I expected a formal lecture, but it was just a small section of the U of R library with chairs set up. No slides. No microphone. She remained seated and had a conversation with the audience of less than thirty people. She was candid and funny, and she nurtured an open, thoughtful conversation.

It wasn’t a primer of how to incorporate arts into activism so much as it was a reminder to be true to yourself. If we could all do that and respect other’s paths, we might be in a much better societal and cultural situation! Here’s three things Camille said that really stuck with me as powerful statements of self, humanity, and strength.

WALK ON YOUR PATH WHETHER PEOPLE AGREE OR NOT

This was her response to what she thought activism meant. She added that it was “activating the spirit of yourself and the community.” I loved the inclusion of community. It requires consideration for the people around you and the people that you affect to make an impact. It means supporting everyone’s voice and value.

Currently, two-thirds of my clientele are women owned, local businesses. I am especially happy to work with these lady hustlers. I am inspired by their motivation and vision. They are all great examples of business women in Richmond. And although they aren’t outright protesting to gain more equality, the act of owning a business positions them as examples for future women to do the same and more.

YOU CAN APPROPRIATE THE STEP - YOU CAN’T APPROPRIATE THE SPIRIT

Camille said this when someone asked about people stealing choreography from her. She also emphasized the need to stay driven and to continue to create beyond each achievement. The commitment to stay motivated ensures improvement over time. It won’t matter if the haters hate or stealers steal. What matters is your spirit continues to live in each and every thing you create.

Now, marketing is not a deeply meaningful industry, but I sure as hell am proud of everything I create. Whether it’s a fleeting Instagram story or keepsake poster, I put my best into it. AND I CAN because I am valued by the people I work with.

I’M NOT INTERESTED IN ASSIMILATION

Camille does not want to blend in or be like everyone else. These were the words that inspired me to write this blog. When she said those words, I thought of all the times I wanted to blend in and be like everyone else. It exhausting to explain yourself to people, and this felt like a confident, succinct way to remind myself that it’s ok.

One of the biggest challenges I’ve faced in my career is worrying what other people think. Choosing jobs because people will be impressed by my title or benefits package made getting through life easier. I am not made to work in an office, and I don’t excel in that atmosphere. It’s taken a long time to be true to myself and take the risk to live this freelance life. It still feels like a risk every day, but it also feels worth it every day.

So turns out, this talk on arts and activism was an inspiring reminder to commit to yourself and continually stay committed. It’s something that’s important to me in life, business, and relationships of all kinds. Thank you Camille A. Brown for your candor and thoughtful words. You are inspiring in so many ways!

Don't Work With People That Make You Feel Like Shit

Drawing by @sunjiayi1995 on Instagram

Drawing by @sunjiayi1995 on Instagram

…or how to survive when you work with a total ass hole and you can’t burn your employer down. 🔥

Just do what the title says, and you’ll be fine. Right? I’m fine. You’re fine. Cool! Not really.

Generally you can’t just quit a job when you work with someone that is a major jerk. In these baby, idyllic stages of starting this freelance business, I am ready to fire any client that doesn’t respect me. I have had enough deceitful bosses that bully me around (mostly some awesome ones though!). Since I don’t anticipate me treating myself that way, I just want my clients to treat me well!

I had this blog idea last week. Then, today I got my CO — STAR daily notification (pictured to the right), and I was like ‘oh hell yes - today is the day to write this!’ It’s important to note that the only notifications I get on my phone are CO — STAR and text messages. You will never see me with a lewd number of unread email alerts. (Cappin’ ain’t easy - I’m a Capricorn. I’ve written two business blogs. They both talk about my star sign.) Anyways, clearly I am into astrology.

So… no, feeling like shit at work is not solved with astrology. It’d be cool if it was. I’ve been in work situations that make me feel bad about myself. Make me doubt myself. Make me… GASP… cry in public! They are inevitable, but when there is a continuous issue, you’ve got to take care of yourself. Before you walk away, maybe try these ideas. (Disclaimer: There are many industries, careers, and systemic economic challenges that will not make these tips realistic. I understand that, but my audience is people that aren’t being valued AND respected AND have the resources to make a change.)

  • Know your worth

    • This starts with salary (or fee) negotiations. Know how much you NEED to make to feel financially secure. If it’s a fee based situation, how much do you need to make per project/hour/whatever you gauge your time in? If someone pays you lower than what you NEED to make, you will feel resentment at some point.

    • Now, literally, remind yourself you deserve to get paid AT LEAST what you need. Having an awesome network of friends or other professionals you feel comfortable discussing this with will help remind you when you get doubtful.

    • Over time, in the same business agreement, you should make more money. The value of the dollar goes down and to keep up you need at least a little extra ching ching each year. Don’t be afraid to ask, and if the answer is no over a long period of time, then just become a stripper. 😉

  • Advocate for yourself

    • This is communicating the worth you established in bullet #1 . SPEAK UP. When you’re in a challenging business situation, it is likely that no one else will do this for you. Make an appointment with your boss. They won’t listen? Go to HR! No changes? Legs and eggs it is! 👠🍳

    • Get comfortable saying no to tasks that aren’t your responsibility, you don’t have time for, or are a lower priority. No doesn’t have to mean never. Many times it’s just not right now.

    • Practice what you want to say and use notes. I have the worst memory, but notes and practicing what I’d like to say always help. Don’t be afraid to start a conversation with an email with the invitation for discussion. It can be a great way to carefully plan how to communicate your needs.

  • Set boundaries

    • You do not have to respond to work emails or texts outside of work hours. Relaxation time is important. Doing nothing is important. Burn out sucks. So whether you need to put the hammer down with your boss, client, or self, make time for exercise, friends, pets, and Netflix!

  • Understand the patterns of harmful personalities

    • Terms like bully, narcissist, borderline, etc get thrown around a lot, so don’t get wild here. However, some psychological knowledge can help you be more objective in situations that are upsetting. I have a therapist bestie and it’s literally the best. She doesn’t diagnose people, but she sure does ask the right questions to get my brain on track when needed. Highly recommend.

So if you’ve gotten this far, you know you need to worship the stars and practice your twerking. Easy. Good luck out there and you deserve everything you want. 💎xo

Big Capricorn Energy AKA Floating In Free Time

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BDE - (google it)

BBE - Big Belly Energy

BCE - Big Capricorn Energy

The alphabet of energies. I made the last one up or, in reality, stole it from a friend.

Last week was my first week attempting a full time freelance life. I’ve always wanted to do it (like since I was a child - I can mother myself!), but I’ve always been very practical and had other jobs. That turned into being bogged down by the other jobs and being comfortable with the luxury of a consistent pay check. Well, f that. Here I am unsure when I will get paid again, and I am suspiciously not scared. I kind of feel like I’ve made a stupid choice, but I am going all in on.

Ok, so you get it, I am freelancing now. Last week, I hopped out of bed every day, gladly worked at a local coffee shop, and scheduled some long over due lunch dates. This morning? Not so much. I have the lightest calendar I’ve had in years, and I feel like a lonely a flamingo pool float aimlessly drifting around.

Fine. I got up. Fed my animals. Made my bed…. I guess I’ll go to a coffee shop so I don’t sit on my couch binging POSE.

And the category is… everyone thinks I am highly motivated and energized Capricorn when in reality I’d rather read and nap all day everyday. My friend even commented that she admired my BIG CAPRICORN ENERGY. What she does not consider is the lack of motivation I struggle with daily or the resistance I feel when I do have to be somewhere at a certain time. THE STRUGGLE. THE REALNESS.

Whatever energy I wake up with, this is how I try to get my ass going, productive, and attempting to be successful.

  • Make my bed.

    • It’s really irritating to my inner teenager that this works, but it does. It just sets my whole day up to be better.

  • Create a plan for the day.

    • I use two things to keep me in check:

      • ASANA

        • Digital web-based app - great for recurring tasks. I even have a project to manage my tasks for cleaning my house. What a loser.

      • Bullet Journaling

        • Analog journaling technique to help productivity and time management. It took me a while to get into it because I was worried about commitment. This video gave me a nice start.

        • I use this for my daily tasks and also to feel more connected to my schedule because screens often times turn into a blur in my brain.

  • Get out of the house.

    • A $3 cold brew is cheaper than not getting things done. Also, sometimes the urge to spoon my dog is just TOO great. But don’t worry, she gets plenty of spoon seshes. I get plenty of hermit seshes.

So that literally sums up how I was able to get anything done today. Maybe it will help you, but probably not. At least you were able to procrastinate through part of your day! 💎xo